The Athiest Witness

Once, many years ago, I was in a diner and ran into an old friend. We caught up on things, and we was very excited to share with me how he had recently found Jesus.

Out of respect, I decided to keep my atheism to myself.

He went on and on about how he was finding such good things in the Bible and how his feelings about life were turning better after this discovery. I smiled, offered praise where I felt it was warranted, and let him go on. At the end, I told him I was happy he was happy, and I hope he continues to discover new things and grow. We shook hands, and he left as I finished my coffee and waited for my bill.

Just then, a person I had never met approached me. She was smiling, and thanked me for how I witnessed for my friend. I really didn't know how to react. I smiled back, told her he was an old friend, and I was happy that he was doing well.

But did I witness to him? I did in a sense; I listened to his story of finding Jesus, I let him talk about his experiences. But doesn't that simply mean I was doing what a friend should do? Doesn't witnessing also demand that I, too, believe? Perhaps it was not possible to see that I did not.

Did I do the right and moral thing? I think so. I could have screamed at him and told him no, no, this is moving backwards, you are abandoning reason for faith, etc., but I did not because I knew he was happy and I didn't really think there was an immediate purpose in spoiling that.

But it makes me think about how we can similarly share the atheist experience with others, especially those we care for. How do we do it respectfully and without causing divisions and anger?

I started writing this blog, in part, because it allows me to express these ideas in a way that is not going to upset people who don't wish to hear them, but is available for all those who do. I don't want anyone to accuse me of trying to strong-arm people into letting go of religion. I think it's the right thing to do, but now may not be the right time for many people, and I must respect that.

Much like quitting drinking or smoking, quitting religion is simultaneously beneficial and extremely traumatic and difficult. But it remains that every day more people are seeing that reason is more helpful for day-to-day living on the whole than blind faith. I think it's our duty to express that in ways that are inviting and welcoming, but tolerant and non-aggressive.

Here are a few ideas.

1. Always be tolerant, not pushy. There's nothing to be gained by evangelizing your conviction that a person is foolish for believing the god myth. I think it's ok to let others know in quiet, peaceful ways that their feelings of doubt about religion are normal and that they are not alone, but there is no point in trying to convert anybody. Let them believe what they like so long as it does not hurt others.
2. Answer questions honestly but briefly. If your child, your neighbor, your co-worker, or anyone wonders why other people go to church but you don't, answer them as straightforwardly as you can. If they ask your opinions about religious matters, do the same. But be aware that some topics are best left untouched. Depending on your workplace, it might be wise to respond to a co-worker with, "I don't discuss religion at work, I don't think it's right. I hope you can respect that."
3. Let children safely explore. If your son or daughter decides to go to a church, temple, mosque, etc., be cool about it. Be sure you do your homework and know who they are going with, where they are going, and definitely talk with them about the experience before and after. If other adults you know and trust with your skepticism can help you find out more, talk to them and learn along with your child.
4. Encourage the consideration and acceptance/rejection of ideas. Parents should ask their children what they would do in a particular moral dilemma. They should teach children why lying, stealing and hurting others is unfriendly and encourage them to explain why they think so as well. When you read together, talk about whether the story is about something that is true, could be true, or must be make-believe. "Could this really happen?" "What would you think if this were true?"
5. Speak up when doing so is positive or necessary. If religious people do a good thing, even for the wrong reason, be sure to express your pleasure when the topic comes up. But if someone does something harmful, even with the best intentions, be sure to express your concern. Don't sit silently by as someone is harmed by an immoral action, regardless of the purposes behind the action.
6. Live as an example of morality. You may be the only open atheist many people ever meet, and there is a lot of responsibility in that. Always be sure to demonstrate a sense of moral purpose and respect in your daily life. Many religious people believe atheists cannot have a central moral code: prove them wrong through your actions.

I welcome more ideas along these lines. We need to be true to our understanding of reason and sensibility, but we must also live peaceably with those who disagree. Each one of us must be the best person we are capable of being.